Seats in front of a stage

PAINTING A NEW STORY


Storytelling was my escape, especially growing up in a harsh environment in Houston, Texas. I wasn’t very proud of my circumstances. On a role model level, the men in my life all did things I didn’t stand for or represent. With that, I had always used storytelling as a way to escape to other characters or perspectives. In 6th grade, I realized I wanted to be an actor and from then I saw something that could get me out of my current circumstances. I ran with it through middle school, high school, and college to study drama.

Once I graduated, I realized I was trying too hard to fit into a traditional mold, a cookie-cutter lifestyle that was not designed for me. I needed to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to survive. The only way I thought to thrive and survive, to get through this transition, cope with the 2016 election, and not to conform to the lines of being a starving artist with no back-up plan, was with some spiritual connectedness with my deceased father.

I lost my father when I was 5 years old, but I wasn’t able to properly mourn for him until I was an adult. When I turned 23 and I was reaching 24, it was a scary moment because my father didn’t make it to 24. To give more background, he was a prominent gangster rapper in the Austin, Houston area. I began suddenly inheriting what he left behind for me over the course of the last two and half years. And so when I graduated college, I wrote and performed a one-man autobiographical show called Baba and Me in honor of my father.

I traveled to London, other parts of Europe, Cuba, West Africa, and my hometown with this performance, and spoke to brown and black youth communities similar to what I grew up within. Through this journey, I realized I was no longer ashamed of my background and I could be unapologetically black and authentic. I was finally leading not with my best self, but my whole self.

I’ve always been pro-Black, which means believing in black liberation and going against the stereotypes of the African-American community in the US. Me embracing my full self as well as my other ethnicities has separated me from the construct of Blackness — my mother is French and Native American from her family history, my father African American. For me to address my family history helped me understand myself better and to share the truth of my story.

Even though I’m not an immigrant, I’ve had this mindset of achieving the American Dream since no one was going to hand me an opportunity because of the class and racial gap I grew up in. With me supporting my mother and siblings, trying to pursuing acting was a burden. Thankfully, I’ve been able to use my entrepreneurial and leadership skills to be more confident in journey.

This is the dialogue and narrative I create to many of the youth I mentor and speak to — they need to be proactive in their career journeys because the system is designed to lead them straight into mass incarceration.

In grad school, I decided to research student perspectives on activism, education, and opportunity. I am now applying to residencies to take the project to the next level and reach more students and stakeholders — i.e. principals, parents — to address opportunity gaps in public education. My hope is to create a dialogue and action around this topic.

I’m also working on a recording mixed tape and a performance sponsored by the Houston Arts Alliance to target 15-20 year olds in urban settings to create conversation on gun violence control, specifically in the city of Houston and the state of Texas.

My hope is to to add to the artists from diverse backgrounds who are painting new pictures, and to be a contributor to that table, whether I’m bringing the fried chicken or the silverware to the cookout. I want to play my part in the best way I know how.

If you want to learn more of his work, see Robert’s website!

Audience looking at a stage

SHINING A SPOTLIGHT ON REPRESENTATION


I was born and raised in China, I didn’t go to international school. I applied to schools on my own, took the tests on my own for the American application process. I never dreamed of being accepted of being accepted by NYU, where I’m currently a junior studying Media, Culture, and Communication. Growing up in China, I never realized the importance of race and ethnicity. Everyone around me was just like me. There were few distinguishing features.

In my college applications, I said that I wanted to be an advocate for Chinese culture, especially in media and arts. I feel like there’s so much that comes to mind when you think of Korean or Japanese culture, like K-Pop and anime. But when you mention Chinese culture, people think “Jackie Chan” and that’s it. And that’s not fair. We have so much culture, history, so many amazing bits of arts that people should know about. So that’s what motivated me to come here to the US. To learn more about the media industry.

I had never categorized myself as Asian before the US, because it was so instinctual. It was a default. I never had to put that label or hashtag on myself. After starting college here, I met a lot of hyphenate Asians who struggle to learn about their culture and where they come from. I’ve been lucky to not have to go through that. Representation matters so much because you don’t know who you are until you see someone who looks like you. You need a lighthouse to guide you to move forward.

I’m currently working on a Mandarin production of Man of La Mancha as an associate producer, based on the famous Spanish novel Don Quixote. It was a hugely successful musical in China and couldn’t continue due to copyright issues. Our other producer Eva, who worked on the Chinese version for 100+ performances thought, hey, why can’t the show run in NYC? The legal rights company agreed and it’s been a sparkling moment that brought us all together. The show means so much to all our cast members on different levels. 1 out of 6 in our production are Chinese speakers who don’t come from a purely Chinese background or didn’t grow up speaking Chinese.

For many of our actors, this is one of the first musicals they saw in China, and they’re very emotionally invested. So it’s just everyone coming together for a greater cause. Every time I step into the rehearsal room, it’s an emotionally fulfilling moment for me.

I see so much communication during those moments between people from very different backgrounds. Our production members hail from the US, Canada, China, with varying levels of professional training. Helping to build that space for them to talk to each other is so very fulfilling. A conversation we have in real time during rehearsals often is the difference between cultural appreciation vs. appropriation and what it means to tell a Western story with a Chinese cast in a Chinese language. It’s a very open space. People come to this project for different reasons and everyone has valid opinions. We can be frank about what we believe in and what we care about. And we accept each other for those concerns and where we’re coming from.

My director and I have reached an agreement — that before it’s an Eastern or Western story, our story is a good story. It resonates with us on a human level before anything that adds additional layers on it.
Don Quixote sings about “the impossible dream,” about how no matter how far, no matter how many barriers there is in between, we need to hold on to our dreams. There’s obviously so many difficulties for our productions or ones similar to ours and many barriers to cross to have more Asian American representation in the media. There are very few stories that feature us. What it means to tell this story at this time is that we’re able to convey our story on a human level and emphasize what’s more similar and shared amongst people than to emphasize our differences. At the end of the day, we have more similarities than difference, and those similarities connect us.

Man of La Mancha is open for general ticketing mid-April (10th-19th). The show will run at the end of May. If you’re interested, please support the production or spread the word!

BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET? 💸


Real talk. Money. We all love spending it, especially in NYC. The flip side of money though? Taxes, compensation discussions, and personal finances…can we pass on that?

Let’s not. Because even though managing your finances isn’t fun or sexy, it’s the foundation on which you can build the fun and sexy.

With the right mindset, habits, and patience, we can #LiveOurBestLives, even in our 20s. We’re all about reaching for the stars and owning our power, so join us in securing the bag and maximizing your dolla dolla bills!

In it together,
20s to be team
P.S. Slide into our DMs or just follow us on Insta 😉 

GETTING REAL

“I stumbled upon a role in consulting [that] was the catalyst for how my relationship with money would change — especially as I stepped into the adult world and became financially independent. You have to understand where you are financially. You have to make it easy for yourself to achieve both your short-term goals while contributing to your long-term goals, and make it all automated.”
Victoria, 25, on how to make the most of your paycheck.


“I purchased an apartment in NYC when I was 23 years old. We spend so much on rent — yet it doesn’t go toward anything in the future for yourself. The money just goes for that month. When you pay a mortgage, it is a healthy debt since you’re paying for an asset and building a good credit. The biggest lesson I’ve learned from purchasing a property is how to be an advocate for myself.”
Alex, 25, on getting real with real estate.


GETTING BY

  • It’s tax season! Before you know it, the filing deadline will be here. Don’t procrastinate — we’ve found the ultimate guide on how to file.  🗄️
  • When can I retire? It’s never too early to track your financial progress. You can calculate your expected retirement age here.
  • Feeling tired, stressed, anxious? We hear you. But therapy’s $$$ when you’ve got other bills to pay, so we found a free app with simple mental exercises to help you cope.
  • End your credit card confusion now — NPR’s Life Kit podcast shares the latest hacks to get the most out of your spending.

BEEN THERE

Spring is just around the corner. Find out how we are rejuvenating our lives with the new season. 

DONE THAT

For this round, you’ve asked: “How do you manage up to your boss and still maintain a productive working relationship?”

Our favorite piece of advice was from Ama, who said, 

Establishing trust between yourself and your manager is important to a productive relationship. I try my best to consistently turn in thoughtful work while being transparent (i.e., if I make a mistake, I speak up about it before someone else does).

In my experience, if a manager trusts my work and work ethic, I have more leverage to negotiate my responsibilities and subsequently take on tasks that are more meaningful to me. It also helps to regularly check in with your manager so nothing’s a surprise when it comes to your official reviews. That said, it’s not just about your manager trusting YOU; your manager should also earn your trust.

Got a burning question to ask? Need some advice? Ask, and we will answer!

Hit us up for questions, comments, or whatever strikes your fancy at hey@20stobe.com.

A keychain

THE “REAL” IN REAL ESTATE


I purchased an apartment in NYC when I was 23 years old.

Growing up, my mother and father always told me that purchasing real estate in a good place will always be stable and I should invest in that when I’m early.

I come from a family where real estate is a big part of how we operate and stay financially stable. As I look back, I wonder if my Persian culture played a role in my family’s philosophy. Because my family was politically involved in Iran, their financial assets were frozen during the revolution. After the revolution, it was very hard to say something was yours unless you had a deed. My family invested in real estate post-revolution since that was the only thing that they trusted — a piece of paper that said this land was theirs.

When I knew I’d be staying in NYC for awhile, buying a property with the support of my parents made the most sense to me. We spend so much on rent — yet it doesn’t go toward anything in the future for yourself. The money just goes for that month. When you pay a mortgage, it is a healthy debt since you’re paying for an asset and building a good credit.

I had no idea how to navigate NYC real estate. It wasn’t a happy time. I cried when I couldn’t find a place, when I couldn’t find a place fast enough. I didn’t know what I was doing and it was stressful. While my family was there for emotional support, they live in LA and have no idea how real estate works here. What’s the difference between a co-op versus condo? It was a learning process for all of us.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from purchasing a property, is how to be an advocate for myself. Not everyone will have your back in this process. I realized if I didn’t stand up and say no, I wouldn’t get what I want. My advice for anyone who decides to go through buying is to give yourself the time to do your research, ask questions, and trust the right people.

This isn’t going to be the last apartment I ever live in. Yet, I have a control in the choices I make. I don’t see purchasing a property in my 20s as a heavy weight on my shoulders. I’m looking at this as a stepping stone to continue building my future. One day, I want to live in a beautiful Brooklyn brownstone and this is a step in that direction of the bigger things I want for myself in life.

Stack of bills and scattered coins on a desk

EARN IT, PLAN IT


After graduating NYU, I stumbled upon a role in consulting for human capital and employee experience. I learned so much about what employers are communicating to their employees today, and also about personal finance. The role really opened my eyes and was the catalyst for how my relationship with money would change — especially as I stepped into the adult world and became financially independent.

In the past, I was always attracted to sales, but now I ask myself, “So what if it’s discounted — do I really need this?” Marie Kondo’s method has been a big influence for me. She talks about how so often we hold onto things because we can’t let go of the monetary value that we paid for them in the first place. But if it’s not adding any value to your current life, don’t force it. Get rid of it if you need to. On the other hand, it’s fine if you want something just because it makes you happy. I love designer handbags and shoes, but I budget for them. If you are the same, then for instance, instead of spending on 10 sale items, use that money for one quality item you’ve been eyeing. Don’t deny yourself anything that you want, just be realistic about your resources!

Of course, in order to be realistic about your resources, or plan for purchases, you have to understand where you are financially. You have to make it easy for yourself to achieve both your short-term goals while contributing to your long-term goals, and make it all automated.
The first way to automate your finances is to get out of debt. If you have student loans, pay those off first.

Then, start saving. If your employer offers a 401K or a contribution plan and a match, make sure you match all of that, because that’s free money they’re giving you. A lot of people think they can’t or shouldn’t contribute too much to their 401K, because their paycheck isn’t that high and they want to have enough for their current lifestyle. But if you’re contributing pre-tax to a 401K, that lowers your taxable income so overall, you’re getting taxed less by the government. For example, if you’re sitting on tax brackets, and starting to earn more in your career as you’re developing, if you’re getting taxed at a higher percentage than you were when you first started your career, a very easy way to lower that tax rate is just to contribute more to your pre-tax accounts like 401K, so your amount of taxable income is a lot lower. You actually save more that way!

Another way to help you save is if you go to specialty doctors like dermatologists, gynecologists, and you need extra funds for the co-pays, tests, treatments, etc — why not contribute to a FSA (flexible spending account)? Again, when you add in pre-tax dollars, it lowers your taxable income and it lowers your expenses pre-tax. That’s money that you’re already going to spend anyway. This way, with some simple planning, tax won’t take a cut, so you end up with more money to spend on those health services! You basically get a chunk taken out every month from your paycheck (pre-tax), but you have access to the full-year funds to that FSA account at the beginning of the year. But do plan accordingly, because if you don’t use it by the end of the year, you lose it!

My other tip is, depending on where you are in your life savings, know what benefits or tools can take the burden off of your out-of-pocket costs. For example, if you’re thinking about buying a home, legal insurance your company offers may actually get you access to a free real estate attorney, so you don’t have to be spending your day-to-day funds on it.

A lot of companies don’t know how to communicate all this legal jargon to their employees — it’s part of the reason I had a job. It’s hard, for millennials especially, to wade through the jargon. What helps is finding if your employer has a hotline or chatbot and ask the agents. You can also google the benefits — there’s tons of articles online. For example, 401ks are still confusing to me, so I’ll find 401k calculators online that tell me “if you contribute this much, it will impact your take-home pay this much.” There are a ton of resources out there, you just have to take the first step to find them.

Finances and money are a taboo topic. A lot of people don’t openly talk about their salary and part of the reason is you may have friends making a lot more or a lot less, so it’s hard to bridge that gap. As long as you have a few friends that you can talk to openly about your salary and general finances, you’re in a good place. It’s not anything to be embarrassed about. It’s good to share so you can empower each other to ask for more money, or just benchmark in general. The other key is not letting other people influence your own spending. You may have friends who are very frivolous or have different starting points. Know what’s realistic for you and budget accordingly. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else — everyone’s financial situation and lifestyle are different.

Half of all Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck. The city is expensive, especially when you’re in your 20s, but once you take that step to get educated on your finances, set goals to pay off your loans, or automate your savings, pat yourself on the back. What you have left to spend at the end of the month, even if it’s not much, it’s yours and yours only!

Plant against white background

BEEN THERE: SPRING RENEWAL


HEDIYA

The Persian New Year (Nowruz) falls on the first day of Spring and it’s a tradition in our culture to do extensive spring cleaning, buy flowers for your home, and visit family members. This year, I plan to buy new plants and move into my new apartment at the end of the March as a symbol to rid past clutter and start the new year fresh.


JULIA

I’m applying the Marie Kondo method to my life… in a loosely interpreted manner. Spring cleaning and organization will be a part of it, but why stop there? I will be evaluating everything in my life — habits, thoughts, even people — to see what really sparks joy in order to understand what I need more of and what I need to dial down on.


TINA

My lease ends in April and I’ll be moving apartments, so spring cleaning will be even more necessary to me this year. The last time I moved, I was in a massive hurry, so I packed everything up without giving much thought to all the clutter I was bringing with me. I’m excited to take some time to really look at everything I own and figure out if it’s adding value to my life.

ARE YOU THERE, CUPID? IT’S ME… 💘


Roses are red, violets are blue,
Consumerism isn’t yet dead,
Let’s enjoy this made-up holiday too!

Whether you’re “Crazy In Love” or “Feeling Myself,” Valentine’s Day has got us in the mood to wear our hearts on our sleeves and spread the joy. Grab a loved one and let them know how you feel loud and proud on the 14th — even if it’s a measly “You’re alright,” to your kid brother in between wedgies and swirlies.

Sending x’s and o’s always,
20s to be team

GETTING REAL

“I didn’t get a proposal and I didn’t get an engagement ring. It wasn’t very climactic – we just decided to. We have a good time together, even if we’re not really doing anything. I can always count on him in a way that I can’t with anyone else. The way some people talk about monogamy and marriage as belonging to someone is a restricting thing. I think it’s a very comforting thing to have someone that at the end of the day can be there for you, no matter what. He was my first relationship and will hopefully be the last.”
Tina, 23, on getting married young.


“Our breakup felt like a slow slap in the face. It wasn’t abrupt because I was still hung up on her, and I was so concerned about ending it the right way. We tried to be friends after – I just assumed it would be easy to jump right back into it since she was my best friend before we got together, but there was a lot of sadness leaving behind a deep connection. It felt like my world was ending and there was no one at the other end of the phone to comfort me through the pain.”
Noman, 23, on a recent breakup through his lens.


GETTING BY

  • Congrats, they like you too and now you’re going on a (hopefully) hot date. Here are some cool spots that say “I want to get to know you” without breaking the bank. 🥂
  • All great loves begin with self love. Don’t forget to show some appreciation for the #1 in your life with these little reminders.
  • It’s hard enough managing finances on your own, but when you’ve got to factor your partner into the equation? Here’s an inside look into an NYC couple who make it work despite making very different salaries.
  • In the chaos of the city, it can be hard to keep in touch with friends and family. Spread some love this week by sending a gratitude note or carrying out a random act of kindness. 🤗

BEEN THERE

Give your biggest organ some love. Surprise, it’s not your heart, it’s your skin! Here are our best tips for skin that gives off tropical getaway vibes even when it’s snowing outside.

DONE THAT

For this round, you’ve asked: “I see a lot of people in relationship and I’m single and dating but can’t help but feel that the grass is greener. How do I embrace my current situation?”

Our favorite piece of advice was from Julia, who said, 

By looking at it as the blessing it is, instead of a curse. NYC gives you an unrivaled number of choices when it comes to both dates and date activities. Underground film with a creative? Cocktails with a banker? Day rave with an account exec? The most important part of dating is knowing what you want. This is your playground to figure that out and even more importantly, the best place to live your single life so that once you know who you are and what you want, you’ll have the tools to build a beautiful relationship with the right person.

Got a burning question to ask? Need some advice? Ask, and we will answer!

Hit us up for questions, comments, or whatever strikes your fancy at hey@20stobe.com.

Person touching leaves in a fog

BEEN THERE: WINTER SKINCARE


TINA

Take advantage of NYC’s amazing tap water and hydrate! I make sure to drink at least 50 oz of water every day. In the winter, chapped lips are the bane of my existence and regular chapstick never cuts it — so I’ve turned to lanolin ointments, which help moisturize better than the average petroleum jelly products. I find that they last longer because I don’t need to reapply as much, making them cheaper in the long run.


HEDIYA

I try to go for more natural products and to stay cost-effective. I like to use tea tea oil to manage breakouts and coconut oil as a make-up remover. I also recently found that using natural lime juice one to two times a week helped with my acne scars.


JULIA

My skin is really reflective of my general health, so I try to take vitamins and probiotics daily, eat a healthy diet, and get 7+ hours of sleep. But on the nights where I want to eat a whole pizza and stay out until 3 a.m., my secret is the Laneige Water Mask. Believe me, it hides your sins and makes your face glow.


ADMERA

After any exhausting day, my skin looks as dull as I feel. I like to cook, so I started making my own masks. For a fast revival, I make a mask with one tablespoon of tumeric, half a tablespoon of honey and half a tablespoon of milk (or yogurt for extra supple skin). After 20 minutes, the liquid gold hydrates my skin and leaves me with a sun-kissed glow.


LI LU

For anyone who regularly shaves their face, I recommend more gentle face products. Our jaw area tends to be more sensitive due to shaving so nonirritating products are essential. I recommend Dirty Shaving Cream from Lush and the CeraVe SPF 30 daily moisturizer.

Stick figures made of rocks, one giving a heart to the other

DOES SLOW AND STEADY WIN THE RACE?


We started dating around Valentine’s Day 2018. I never understood why our culture says men have to buy the gifts — teddy bears, milk chocolate not dark chocolate, fresh flowers. She was my best friend, I didn’t feel like I had to live up to the expectations associated with the holiday. I felt like I could define what we made of the holiday.

The real problems came when I started to overthink things. I overthink everything. It was hard for me to keep it together since I was so stressed out. I was just starting a new job and she was in her first year of grad school, so there was a lot going on in both of our lives.

When we got together our personalities matched up, but that changed later. I knew this person before our relationship, and I had this expectation they were going to be the same once we got together.

Right from the beginning, I thought we were going to be together forever. I had this image in my head of the perfect girl and I played out scenarios in my head. I rushed right into things from the start, and I was caught off guard when she felt differently.

She felt pressure. I guess she wanted to get to know me better in terms of our relationship first. I rushed into things, and there was no way to hit reset.

The breakup wasn’t abrupt because I was so concerned with ending it the right way and not coming off as the jerk. It felt like a slow slap on the face when I came closer to ending things. Emotionally, I was still hung up on her even though I knew it wouldn’t work.

We tried to be friends right after. I just assumed it would be easy to jump right back into it. I realized that didn’t feel right either. As much as friends are there for you they are not going to be there as constantly as someone as you are in a relationship.

There is no such thing as “The Dumper” or “The Dumpee.” There is a lot of sadness leaving behind a deep connection. It felt like my world was ending and there was no one at the other end of the phone to comfort me through the pain.

Couple walking out of their wedding

WE DO


When I was younger, I’d ask my dad, “How did you propose to mom?” He’d always say, “We didn’t propose, we just talked about it,” and I would respond, “How could you not propose?” Then the same thing happened to me.

I didn’t get a proposal and I didn’t get an engagement ring. It wasn’t very climactic ⁠— we just had a series of conversations. We talked about what if and then decided to. We got married on the second anniversary of our first date. Our families didn’t come, it was just our friends at Brooklyn City Hall. It was lovely.

We had met two years before. I was spending the summer in my hometown in Brazil, bored, trying to pass time when I saw that he and I were 94% compatible on OkCupid. His message was so nice, he was so handsome, and I thought, “There’s no way.” I was sure he was a catfish.
When he asked me out, I told him we’d just have to wait until I came back to New York, and we kept talking every single day.

That first semester we were only seeing each other once a week because that’s all our schedules could allow for. I remember being in class, nervous out of my mind, waiting for him to text me back. My stomach was in knots, I was deranged, and it was so distracting ⁠— I still remember telling my roommate, “I can’t do homework because I’m thinking about this guy.” It was my first relationship and I wasn’t used to that feeling.

We ended up having the talk pretty early on and he met my parents that December.

One night that winter we went to see a movie and had a very frustrating experience. We were waiting in line and ended up not having seats for the show we wanted to see, so we had to wait an hour for the next one. We were in Times Square trying to find somewhere to sit, so it was crowded and cold and miserable.

But eventually it all worked out and we had a great time. I remember being on the subway platform on the way back home thinking the evening had started so shitty but we still had so much fun together. His company is so great and he’s the kind of person who’s always trying to make me feel better. Something clicked and I thought, whatever problems we have, we can work on them together. There has never been a deal breaker.

Previously, I’d had very long crushes on guys but the few times it would actually work out, I would find something wrong. I think it was a kind of self-sabotage, or maybe I was just extremely particular.

With David, it’s a true partnership. Even with the small things. When I’m too tired to do the dishes even though he cooked and I should be doing the dishes, he does them. He scratches my back, I scratch his. I can always count on him in a way that I can’t with anyone else.

Even if we’re not really doing anything — if he’s playing a game and I’m reading a book, and we’re not engaging necessarily — we just have a good time together.

Some people talk about monogamy and marriage as if belonging to someone is a restricting thing. I think it’s a very comforting thing to have someone that at the end of the day can be there for you, no matter what.

He was my first relationship and will hopefully be the last.